This Easter I experienced a miracle in my life.
This Easter, for the first time ever, I had all four kids outfits picked out, ordered, and ready to go. On the morning of the blessed day, the kids put on their outfits without a complaint, without a meltdown. They were sweet and calm. And of course this is the year, we didn't even get to go to church! Nevertheless, we put those outfits on and took pictures our pictures!
I noticed at that moment, how good it felt to be ahead of the game. For once, I had my act together. The amount of pride I felt was truly disproportionate to the small, silly task that it really was.
But it felt so good because we as moms, as women, at least most of us, we love to be ahead. We love to check all of the boxes for today, tomorrow, next week, and, if possible, three years from now. Right?
But what I’ve found is that this pursuit of getting ahead feels never-ending. This pursuit leaves me weary and ragged. This pursuit tells me that I'm never doing enough, that I am not enough.
I was re-reading through one of my journals and noticed the same theme. The words of inadequacy and angst of "Am I enough?". Am I doing enough for my kids, husband? My business? The overarching theme is OVERWHELM.
In the midst of all this, I felt God saying to me, “Maybe I don't want you to get ahead.” Another thought sparked sending me to the story in Exodus 16: 4, 17, 18.
In the story of the manna, a story I’ve read countless times, I saw something different. The Lord set out the manna each and everyday. He did not want them to gather more than they needed, nor less. He provided them with EXACTLY what they needed. He wanted the people to come to Him DAILY and receive the sustenance.
I believe that is what he wants from me, you, all of us. He wants us to be dependent on Him. He wants us to remember how much we need him, even on our best days!
So most days, I still feel behind. But the difference now for me is, I feel peace in being behind. I have peace even with a million boxes left to check on my to-do list. I have found peace in the "OVERWHELM."
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